The Apparatchiks

“In a time of crisis, they strive to make more of it … and a buck.”

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A new “reality” series on the triumphs and tribulations of a mercurial celebrity and his close-knit cabal, who are suddenly thrust into the world’s most powerful elected office. Tune in regularly as hilarity and calamity ensue, with a motley cast of characters vying for positions and privileges among the ranks. The stakes are high as the fate of the world — and the show — perpetually hangs in the balance. Which will prevail: democracy or dictatorship? Join us for a wild romp filled with personal peccadilloes, power plays, and palace plots … American style.


Episode 1: For Whom the Bell Trolls

Massive crowds gather to commemorate the first episode in the new series, allegedly filling the streets and devotedly chanting “we will not go away, welcome to your first day.” Meanwhile, Brash Spice publicly dissembles and somehow becomes a cultural icon in the process. Melanie seems to call for help, then quickly withdraws into the background. Steve gets jiggy with it.

Episode 2: If You Sign It, They Will Protest

Divisiveness reigns as walls are proposed and bans are ordered. Dante gets his happy on with pen in hand, as the team tries to understand their marching orders and learn the pecking rank. Ivy and Jarvis reportedly quash a proposal that would have alienated Hollywood from investing in the show. Kayley expands her character but has trouble staying on script. Steve quietly fumes.

Episode 3: Alternative Massacres

Kayley finds herself in front of a public firestorm when a false repressed memory resurfaces. Despite this, Brash Spice might be the first to go but is saved by the popularity of the weekend’s levity. Good times ensue as the Cabinet is resupplied with fantastic items. Ivy and Jarvis paint the town red, while the nation goes mad over Becky with the dirge “We Are Devos.” Steve reads a book.

Episode 4: Fore! Shadowing

Dante retreats to the vacation cabin for some much needed R&R, trying to perfect his handshake and his chip shots. The team huddles around “top secret” information but forgets that the cameras are still rolling. Melanie files a lawsuit while Dante loses one. Tremors resound through the empty palace halls, as Mick is the first one ousted. Steve supplies the potato chips.

Episode 5: Are We Done? Not Nyet

Dante tries to fire someone who already quit, but the questions keep coming anyway. Kayley is under an ethical cloud as the royalty checks roll in. Melanie’s checkered past catches up to her but a surprising defender emerges. Stefan reveals a secret Pinocchio fetish. Things continue to unravel as historically low ratings plague the cast. The palace springs a leak. Steve has a plan.






Episode 6: The Moscovian Candidate

Everyone wants to know what Dante knew and when he knew it, but he continues to make it clear that he knows absolutely nothing whatsoever. Meanwhile, Penny lurks in the shadows with aspirations to the throne. Spellcheck functions are finally restored, but the scriptwriting doesn’t improve. The Network grows wary as revenues fall. Putz implodes. Steve bides his time.

Episode 7: Panic at the ’Lago

Things ratchet up as backchannel revelations show Penny measuring for curtains in the Oval. Dante shows his man-of-the-people side by paying them to like him. Rumors that the palace lunch menu includes a Shit Sandwich were quickly quashed. Melanie, Kayley, and Ivy have tea and consider forming an alliance. Chaos reigns here, there, and everywhere. Steve is content.

Episode 8: Boiling Points

Deportations, phobias, repression, desecration — and this is all just in the opening credits. Dante and crew try to reset and reassert themselves, but are making enemies faster than they can buy off more allies. Meanwhile, Kayley is barred from talking to outsiders, another close associate (Vilo) is the latest to implode, and Penny hones his royal vibe. Steve spills the beans.

Episode 9: Hurdling the Lowest Bar

After setting the company softball league record for most whiffs by a batter, Dante hits a dribbler for a single that people call a “home run” just to make him feel better. Kayley gets comfy on the palace furniture, raising questions of whether she’s been living at the office. Ivy and Jarvis make an appearance, next to Melanie’s replicant in an expensive gown. Steve comes.

Episode 10: A Tangled Web

J.B. gets caught in a lie and may have broken the law, but luckily gets to decide what the law is. Dante raises deflector shields and sets phasers to stupefy. Ivy reminisces about good times with gal pals. The Inner Circle obsesses about being listened to in private, and why less people are listening to them in public. Melanie subliminally wears the same red dress. Steve goes ballistic.






Episode 11: Health Have No Fury

The digital gaze pauses on Penny, as he tries to figure out how to create a strong password, undermining his pretenses to the throne. Reese has been quiet and never really liked to swim in shark-infested waters, so could be a convenient fall guy. Dante casts about for validation, then goes (on the) offensive with unfounded allegations and unhealthy notions. Steve girds his loins.

Episode 12: Twilight Ravings Time

Kayley is once again in the hot seat, only this time it’s a microwaveable plate rather than a sofa. Brash Spice has an encounter with a “fan” and later develops a nervous habit of using “air quotes” to defend himself. Ivy is complicit in selling fake products but still rakes in big bucks, while Jarvis inks deals everywhere. Dante works on his putts. Steve leaks a 2-pager, with glee.


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